Five College Park people who have (allegedly) gone positively bonkers

''YAY COLLEGE PARK! YAY EARRINGS!'' (Photo by Orin Zebest)

This city attracts curious people of all stripes — they write books; they raise families; they drink beer. And, occasionally, they go out of their minds and generate police reports that are far, far outside the bounds of run-of-the-mill misdemeanors.

One such incident occurred last weekend: A very strange potential road-rage incident involving a 32-year-old College Park man, a car antenna and a few thousand volts of electricity. His alleged assault has inspired the blogger-brains at Campus Drive to look into College Park’s history of housing (and teaching) people who went on to be accused of off-the-wall crimes. Here are five of the weirdest.

5. Dick Bialczak, accused lightning lobber: A 32-year-old College Park attorney was arrested in the wake of Hurricane Irene Sunday, according to NBC Washington. Richard J. Bialczak is accused of following another motorist around until the man was forced to stop because there were downed power lines in the road. Police say Bialczak tried to ram the victim’s car toward the power lines, then got out, ripped off the car’s bumper and chucked the still-sparking power line at the victim’s car.

Not Bialczak.

4. The English teacher with all the guns: Joanna Findlay was a well-liked UMD English instructor who made class fun, though students said she frequently turned class discussions to weaponry and gun rights. She called police last October to report a dispute with her husband, but the call was disconnected. When dispatchers called back, her husband answered the phone and said he’d been shot. Findlay was found in her driveway with blood on her clothes; her husband was inside, dead on a chair, in, of all places, the living room.

Findlay told police her husband shot himself when she found his stash of kiddie porn. Police charged her with second-degree murder anyway; according to records, she’s due back in court in November.

It hasn't been revealed what the alleged dispute was about, but it may have been a disagreement over what year Findlay last brushed her hair.

3. The Semen Spritzer: University alum Michael Wayne Edwards, Jr. turned himself in to police last August in connection with a string of incidents at stores in which women had semen squirted on them out of a small bottle. Police found videos of some of the deeds on Edwards’s phone — including video of some incidents they didn’t know about. According to court records, Edwards pled guilty so some of the charges and is on probation until February 2014.

''Yeah, OK, pretend it wasn't fun for you, People Who Are Pressing Charges.''

2. The woman who shot Andy Warhol: Radical feminist Valerie Solanas studied psychology at the University of Maryland in the 1950s, then, in 1967, wrote the SCUM Manifesto, which called for completely removing males from the Earth.

A year later, she shot avant-garde artist Andy Warhol in the chest. She spent three years in prison and died in 1988. If you’d like to check out that manifesto, you can actually check it out of McKeldin Library — it’s included in the script for “I Shot Andy Warhol,” a film based on her life, found in the stacks under PN1997 .I19 1996.

Conspicuously missing from the bookstore's ''campus authors'' section.

1. The sword-murdering porn star: Stephen Clancy Hill was sent to jail after he threatened to kill his MATH111 teacher. When he got out, he moved to California and became a porn actor — one of the “worthless, D-list load droppers” in the industry, according to an LA Weekly cover story. The story has several interesting tidbits, including “monster hands,” a trend that has not caught on nearly as much as it should have:

Hill, whose screen name was Steve Driver, used to say his signature was “monster hands.” According to set photographer Gia Jordan, Hill “would wear these hands, like, from a Halloween costume. That was his shtick. He’d jack off on the girl with the hands and when he’d come he’d yell, ‘Monster hands!’

But when he was kicked out of his porn-warehouse digs, Hill snapped — and used a prop samurai sword to slash two workers and kill a third. In a police standoff on a cliff several days later, Hill was shot with a Taser and fell to his death.

Stephen Clancy Hill: Not creepy at all.

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