Who the hell is Mac Miller?

Not a rapper. OR IS IT. No.

Tickets for SEE’s Sept. 21 “Back to School Concert,” headlined by Mac Miller, have sold out. This particular blogger is not as attuned to Matters Cultural as he wishes he was in situations like this, but, after prodigious research and reportage, we have discerned that Mac Miller is a rapper.

He is apparently popular enough that students bought up every ticket for sale, but not popular enough to keep many of those students from turning right around and scalping them on the concert’s official Facebook page.

Commerce.

Wikipedia says he used to be called Easy Mac, which is a great name even if Wikipedia is lying. We found that there were several other Macs in the rap game, including one who was not as Easy and killed a dude. Another Mac recorded an album over the telephone from prison.

Mac Miller, though, has the advantage of being cheesy and delicious. He was also called “the next Eminem” by noted rap aficionado Donald Trump.

We trust his judgment.

Easy Mac’s songs include “Best Day Ever,” “Musical Chairs” and “Kool-Aid & Frozen Pizza.” His popularity, as far as we can tell, is derived from being the coolest 4th-grader in town. The tickets were on sale to students for $5 and, according to posts in the Facebook event, sold out in less time than it took Torrey Smith to poo his metaphorical pants during last month’s earthquake. UMD loves it some Easy Mac.

And who wouldn’t be a fan of his, with biting, Zeppelin-esque lyrics like these:

And the Nikes on my feet keep my cypher complete
Nike Nike Nike Nike Nike Nike Nike Nike Nikes
Nike Nike Nikes
Nike Nike Nikes
Nike Nike Nike Nike Nike Nike Nike Nike Nikes
Nikes on my feet keep my cypher complete
Nike Nike Nike Nike Nike Nike Nike Nike Nikes

Somebody warn T.S. Eliot; there’s a new big man in poetry. Just add water and he’s ready in three and a half minutes.

You can also check out Campus Drive on Facebook and on Twitter at @theDBK.

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