Breaking news: Kids who go here are smart

Member of the UMD Class of 2016

This university has been inching forward in nationwide academic rankings for years now, and it looks like the next crop of freshmen — all of whom are seemingly more intelligent than Jimmy Neutron — will be keeping that trend alive.

Freshmen coming to campus this fall have an average weighted GPA of 4.11, according to the Office of Undergraduate Admissions. You can compare those numbers to, say, the 3.96 average weighted GPA of the cave-dwelling mongoloids who matriculated here back in 2006.

And that’s not all — the average weighted GPA for incoming freshman admitted to the honors college is 4.39. Half of these students have beaten Stephen Hawking in a game of chess and a third helped build the Large Hadron Collider. Another quarter of honors kids have pyrokinesis and two or three of them have probably figured out the answer to the universe, but aren’t telling.

That’s not true, but here’s something that is: This university’s newest crop of  honors students is a full .08 arbitrary GPA points smarter than the normal Duke University Class of 2016 student, according to Collegedata.com, which is great news if you need more reasons to hate the Blue Devils. Go Terps?

— Jon Wolper

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