Campus Complainer: SGA candidates really need a moon bounce

Just a thought, guys.

Ah, election season. One of my favorite times of year. The sun is shining, the birds are chirping and mud is being slung through the air. We’re not talking the presidental election, people, it’s time for Student Government Association elections.

Why do I love them? Well (this is going to floor you), I actually hate them. I can’t stand the endless bombardment from candidates during the election cycle. The fliers, the emails, pitches during class — all of it.

I don’t care about your inconsequential platform you’re running on. I’d guess that neither does 70 percent of the student population. So, please stop shoving your platform down my throat. In fact, I’d rather you put an actual wooden platform through a woodchipper and sprinkle the wood chips on my tuna sandwiches (and I love my tuna sandwiches) than have to listen to a candidate drone on about how they’re going to increase the number of Inuits at our school.

Diversity as a platform? Really? It’s important in the grand scheme of things, but if you’re trying to get students to vote, that’s a surefire way to put them to sleep and to spread the apathy. You want to pull people out to vote and get your point across? Two words: moon bounce.

You want students to care about reforming an organization they aren’t a part of? Give them your campaign pitch on a moon bounce. That, or jog alongside them while they’re gliding down a slip and slide. Get with it, candidates. Your goals are boring. To win the election, you need to spice it up a little bit.

Yesterday (as a result of Facebook’s new “Groups for Schools”), a supporter for a legislator candidate sent out a mass message to everyone who joined the journalism group. Naturally, I was annoyed and as angrily as I could, I left the conversation. If this candidate stood outside my building offering mini-pony rides to my next class, I’d probably give them the time of day.

Either mix up the way you’re getting your message out to student voters or perhaps maybe it’s time to re-evaluate why you’re running. It seems like SGA-presidential candidates create their platforms to appease the adults at this university. Increase financial literacy is something we definitely need, but is it going to bring out the students? Nope. Now, pushing to build a bar on campus like back in the day? Or what about free pizzas on McKeldin Mall every Monday to combat that start of the week dreariness?

Are any of these ideas feasible? Absolutely not. Are they awesome? Absolutely.

From my ignorant perspective, the SGA doesn’t really do much anyway. It seems like administration kind of looks at the SGA like a condescending parent would.

“Oh, how cute. Wook at da wittle kiddies play fake government. Adorable!”

If that’s the case (and I’m fairly confident it is), why not lobby for some sweet new initiatives. They’ll get more students to vote and legislators will probably have as much luck with them as they do with those strongly worded letters to the University Senate.

— Taylor Schwink is a senior journalism major and student blogger for The Diamondback

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