Keeping up with the Kandidate: An Ode to Newt

Despite his stay-puff cuddliness and his Dwight Shrute-like work ethic, Newt Gingrich, the 2012 republican primary kandidate, just could not KEEP UP with Mitt Romney.

Last Wednesday, Gingrich representatives said he will soon announce his concession, ending his bid to become president of the United States.

Before you read anymore, you must open your ears to the soundtrack of Newt’s campaign. Please listen to this song while you read my heartfelt goodbye to Gingrich.

Gingrich easily was the most cuddly-looking of the kandidates. His easy smile could brighten up a bad day for anyone who felt strongly about his campaign. This week, all of his followers are in tears.

Gingrich came into the campaign with a “Southern strategy,” an idea of campaigning hard to win the South which can swing the Republican vote. He took South Carolina and his home state of Georgia. He came in second to Romney in Florida early on.

The wheels came off for Gingrich, though, when Rick Santorum went on a tear. Santorum’s run awarded him Alabama and Mississippi, two states that are as Southern as Hank Williams himself.

It was all downhill for Newt after that, barely being able to compete with Ron Paul (who still hasn’t conceded. I wonder how much longer Romney’s going to have to put up with him. Eh, I’m sure Paul’s following is happy that he’s sticking it out a little longer).

Eventually Newt threw in the towel, saying that Romney was probably going to win the nomination but that he was going to stick around and continue to spread his message.

He possibly still had hope. I really don’t know. When all hope is lost in a political race the kandidate usually drops out (unless it’s the final election, where they just have to put up with the horror and agony of watching themselves get trucked on election day).

Alas, whatever his mindset has been in the past few weeks it doesn’t really matter. Gingrich is officially out, and we’re one concession away from the final election’s ticket being set.

Cheers to Newt. May you stay forever young.

— Juan Cervantes is a junior history major and student blogger for The Diamondback

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